I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize