i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we're making bets on your personal life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
