i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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