You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
