i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
