hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
