dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
