No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
