my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
