someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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