Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
