I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
