The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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