The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
