too bad you live with your parents still
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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