It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
