woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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