We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
