In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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