i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
