an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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