Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
don't judge my taste in strippers
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
