He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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