i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sober January is a disaster.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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