Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
