Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
