He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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