If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
