It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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