If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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