the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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