What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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