Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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