I bet he comes in French.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
