Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
