Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
