Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
