So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
