Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
