He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
