I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
