Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
