if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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