Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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