Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize