So drunk its hurt
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
