the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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