i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
