Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
a search helicopter?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
