She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
