Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
