So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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