Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
