Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
