i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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