I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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