I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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