It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
