maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
