As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
