Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
