its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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