i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
