I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
