Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
